Hello there Fabulous Ladies!
So, my email has been flooded lately with really great questions! Today I will share with you two different stories from two different women. Both stories caught my attention as they are pretty universal dilemmas. Let’s start with a driven young woman named Lauren who wrote…
“…one of the best ways to find love is when you’re not looking for it…but what no one ever talks about, is whether or not you’re ready for it if it does happen. As more and more women focus on their careers and become their own, independent person, it becomes all too easy to get into a routine. I know this because not only am I currently balancing a full-time job with part-time grad school, I’m 22 and entering into this odd world of first dates. How can I prepare myself if that first date opportunity presents itself?”
Let me start by saying, props to you Lauren for all that you are juggling! You are quite a super-woman! Next, relax. You are already “prepared”. It’s just a date. Really. I know we put so much pressure on finding the right guy, wearing the right thing, going to the right place for dinner, kissing at the right moment, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, it really is just a date. Just two people getting to know each other a little bit better. So, be confident in the driven and accomplished woman that you are, and when a worthwhile man approaches you, go for it! Like you said, it’s easy to get into a routine, so it’s important to make time for romance. Don’t be afraid to be spontaneous! And remember, we all learn as we go. Trust me, the guy you’re going to go out with won’t have it all figured out yet either, so just relax, don’t put so much pressure on the situation, and enjoy each other’s company. If there’s no spark, so what?! On to the next! You will know you’ve found a keeper when you can really just be yourself with another person and have fun! Our next story is from a young woman who’d like to remain anonymous (see Ladies, you can trust me to keep a secret!). Here is what she had to say…
“I just started dating this really nice guy, but he lives about an hour away. One night when we were hanging out, because I wasn’t sure, I asked him if we were officially dating. This was his answer, “yeah, I guess, but it’s going to be hard to see each other, so if you find a guy at your school you like, go ahead. I don’t mind you dating 2 guys at once.” His brother told a friend of mine, who then told me, that he’s liked me for a long time. So, I don’t get why he’d say something like that. HELP!”
Well, Girl, there are a couple of things here that concern me, a.) you weren’t sure that you were officially dating and b.) he said he doesn’t mind you dating 2 guys at once. Let’s start with (a) first. This guy needs to make it clear to you exactly where you stand in his life. You shouldn’t have to wonder if you are dating, his actions and his words should make that very clear. Now for (b), I could give him a pass on the ambiguity of your dating status had his answer to your question been something like, “Yes, of course we are dating! You’re such a great woman and I am really into you”. However, his answer did not meet my standards. Plus, one hour hardly qualifies as long distance. If he really likes you and you really like him, an hour of travel, even just once a week, is certainly doable. It sounds to me like he is, dare I say, afraid of commitment. What guy in their right mind would want you to date other guys? I’m not saying he is a jerk, I don’t know him. What I will say is that when I look at the facts, which are that you aren’t sure if you two are “hanging out” or “dating”, and he is happy to let you date other people, it really doesn’t appear to me that he is giving you all that you deserve. So, take his advice, go on dates with other guys. One of two things will happen, he’ll feel jealous, realize what a foolish proposal that was, and decide to make things exclusive, or you’ll meet a better guy who isn’t silly enough to pawn you off onto another man!
Well Ladies, those are my pearls of dating wisdom for the day. As always, I love being your Faithful Guide in this crazy world of dating. Good luck and keep me posted!