Friends or Lovers?
Monday, August 25th, 2008Hello there my Fabulous Ladies!
Wow, do I have a puzzling and exciting scenario for you! So, I just talked with a woman recently whose best male friend of nearly ten years confessed that he has feelings for her. Talk about taking it slow! Now, that is a loaded confession. Although she admits to having more than platonic feelings for him, she told me that the most important thing to her is maintaining their relationship because it has been a constant in her life now for nearly a decade. They have already been through thick and thin together, so she asked me, should they “just try it and hope for the best?” Well, Ladies, this situation has the potential to be the romance of the century, yet not everyone’s story has a When Harry Met Sally happy ending. Here are some things to think about when deciding if you are falling in love with a friend or simply flirting with disaster.
1.) Is the timing right? For example, if one of you just got out of an intense breakup, take the time to properly heal from that situation and then explore those more-than-friendly feelings. Often times when we are feeling vulnerable during heartbreak, the lines between friends and lovers get blurred because we want to bandage up the wound with another relationship. What better and easier way to do this then with someone who already knows you inside and out, right? WRONG. You two may be a perfect fit, but if you go for it before the heartbreak has been healed, you may find yourself in a rebound situation. Also, are you close to each other geographically? You want to go into this with the odds stacked in your favor, so I wouldn’t recommend starting something up until you two can be near each other on a consistent basis. Long distance is doable, but usually after the romance has had a chance to build. Taking friendship to the next level is fragile, so make sure your head and heart are in the best possible place when making this transition.
2.) Is your friendship strong enough to bounce back if the romance aspect doesn’t work out? I know we cannot predict the future. Who really knows how either of you will actually feel if you realize that romance just isn’t in the cards for the two of you. But, you can at least make an educated guess by examining your friendship past. If you two have had real conflicts before, and you have been able to discuss them and work through them, then this shows you are both in this for the long hull and have good communication. However, if this is the first serious thing you two have ever discussed, than your risk factor could be higher. Also take note of your friend’s exes. Are they civil with each other? Not to say that your relationship would follow suit, but it’s helpful to see how your friend deals with failed romance. Of course, it’s always helpful to talk openly about the future of the friendship should the romance not work out before you take the leap.
3.) Are you attracted to each other? This can be a hard thing to decipher. I mean, you have so much in common, your witty banter is so intellectually stimulating, and you are both attractive people, so does that mean it’s a love connection? I think we all know deep down if the attraction is there. Yes, maybe for the sake of the friendship, or out of respect for relationships that either of you were in, you extinguished those flames, but you know if they were ever there. Sometimes we can have an awesome platonic connection, but for some reason, the thought of kissing the other person just doesn’t really do it for us. And sometimes you find a spark in the least likely place. So, before you take it to the next level, really try to imagine being physical with your friend and see if that mental picture entices you. Or better yet, talk to your friend about your sexuality. Talk about what you like and ask what gets him riled up. See if all of this talking and imagining gets you excited!
Those are just a few things to consider as you make this important decision, but of course there are always a hundred other things to evaluate when it comes to the complexity of our relationships. Running the risk of being absolutely cheese-tastic, let me just say that relationships are life’s most precious gift, whether platonic or romantic. So, take your time making this decision, there is no need to rush, if it is meant to be, well, there’s no stopping it! Lastly, I know you are all foxy females and I am sure you have friends and strangers approaching you for dates on a daily basis. Well, I want to know all the juicy details! So, please feel free to post your experiences and comments. I’d love to hear your stories and thoughts on friends becoming lovers.
