Hello there Ladies!

I recently met a woman named Rachel who is going through a bit of a romantic tragedy, and she is now on the verge of becoming…bitter. I want to delve into her story because at some point we all must choose, after having our heart broken, to pursue love again or to allow our hearts to become hardened. Now, Rachel’s story…
After being in a tumultuous long-term relationship, in which her boyfriend consistently made her feel sexually undesirable, Rachel was cheated on. Although, he made half-hearted attempts to get her back, Rachel chose to end it. I applaud this brave move to get out of an unhealthy situation, but I am still concerned as Rachel told me, “I won’t be dating again. Ever. I don’t believe in love anymore”. Girl, believe me, I understand that sentiment, but please do not give your ex that much control over your happiness. And Rachel, you create your own happiness. So, if you decide to harden your heart, unfortunately you will never find the elation you deserve. You have every right to be angry right now and it is important that you feel your way through this phase, but make sure it is just a phase. Then, when you are ready, forgive him and release him. Trust me, if you decide to handle this heartache in a healthy and optimistic way, your life will be so much richer. Imagine the great man that can finally come into your life now that you’ve got Mr. Wrong out of the way!

In the meantime, surround yourself with a good support system, avoid the rebound rut, embrace this time of reflection and contemplation, and enjoy some YOU time. Then, as your heart heals, get out there again, go on dates, mingle, and open up your heart to love again. Take comfort in the fact that everyone goes through breakups, everyone questions whether they will ever find love again, but the ones who maintain a hopeful heart will find the happy ending!

Hello Ladies!

I recently received a blog comment from a woman named Krissy stating that she is going through a bit of a relationship crisis. My favorite thing to do is help you Ladies out of a romantic bind, so let me see what I can do! Krissy told me that while on a break from her fiancé she dated a handful of men, and claimed that she didn’t sleep with any of them. After deciding she wanted her man back, she and her ex sat down to discuss their experience being on the break. Krissy lied to him, denying going on any dates. Her ex found out, as people always do, and broke it off for good. Krissy is now broken hearted because her ex won’t give her the time of day. I have to admit, this is a tough one because trust is everything in a relationship, and it only takes one lie to jeopardize that bond. This is an especially difficult situation because her ex won’t even hear her out. It’s hard to get your man back when he won’t even return a phone call.

Krissy, my first suggestion would be to ask yourself two questions, what was missing from the relationship that caused you to go on a break in the first place? And why did you feel the need to lie to him? You were on an agreed upon break, you went on dates, and you didn’t sleep with anyone. It all seems on the up and up to me. If you have a hard time being honest in this relationship, ask yourself if this is really a situation you want to enter back into? Was telling lies a normal part of life with him? Yet, if you were just nervous and normally you can be honest and open with one another, then I would try several means to get in touch with him. You may have to be persistent to get him to listen. If you are able to get his attention, explain to him why you lied this ONE time and why it will NOT happen again. Then you must be willing to do the work that it takes to rebuild trust. That can be a long and grueling process, especially since he “found out” and you didn’t tell him yourself. He will, of course, be thinking that there may be other things that he just didn’t ever happen to find out about. However, if he ignores your attempts to contact him, or if he listens but still won’t take you back; well, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps, you both needed to learn some valuable lessons, and now you will both be stronger for it. And Krissy, your next relationship will benefit from the insight you have gained from this heartache.

No matter what happens, forgive yourself, forgive him, let it go, and know that everyone makes mistakes. You are still a lovely Lady who deserves a great guy! Good luck and keep us posted!

Hello Lovely Ladies!

Most women, no matter how incredibly beautiful and intelligent they are, have been dumped by a man and forced to endure the heartache of a breakup. Some breakups are mutual, some are quick and clean, some are terribly messy, and some are temporary. Sometimes, after you’ve successfully erased this silly man from your life, he calls or emails you, or “coincidentally” runs into you right outside of your apartment building, and he claims that he’s messed up royally and really wants you back. So, now what do you do? Well, no worries, I am here to help you determine whether you should entertain the notion of taking him back, or if this relationship should stay broken.

The first thing to take into account is how the breakup went down. This will tell you an incredible amount about his character. If the breakup came out of nowhere, with no explanation, and he has been M.I.A. for the last several months, then you can only assume he will enforce the same mysterious, closed-off type of behavior in other areas of the relationship down the line. Don’t you want a man who has amazing communication skills so that you will always know right where you stand even if the news is bad news? Don’t waste your light on a man who keeps you in the dark! On the other hand, if your ex had the courtesy to tell you face to face that he needs space, has been forthcoming about the fact that he isn’t sure what he wants, and has continued to show you respect during your time apart, then I would consider his reappearance in your life as he has shown you the respect of honesty and updated communication.

The next item to take into account is will things be different this time around? Whatever wasn’t working in the past that caused this split in the first place needs to be identified. This is where I believe silence is golden (on your part). First, let him tell you what he has learned during your time apart, how he has changed, and how he sees the future of your relationship. You were the one who was dumped, so there is no shame in letting him plead his case a little bit. Once he is wearing his heart on his sleeve, you both need to have an open and honest conversation about how you would work together to fix the weak spots, if and only if, you are moved by his speech. Yet, if after all your time apart he shows up on your doorstep having learned nothing, stating generic post-breakup banter such as, “oh, baby, I want you back” or “I just can’t live without you”, then you are far better off finding a man who isn’t so clueless and actually learns from his mistakes.

Lastly, and most importantly, think about what you want. He has been out of your life for awhile now. What things are better? What things seem worse? What did he add to your life? What did he keep you from achieving? You’ve now had a chance to date other people or at least meet other people. Are you enjoying the single life, the ability to explore new sides of yourself with new people? You’ve also had a chance to enjoy having some you time. Perhaps you just want to focus on your own needs right now and not have to compromise for another person. Finally, you have had time to remove yourself emotionally from him in order to look at the relationship with a little more clarity. So, my advice, whatever he has to say, whatever you are feeling and thinking, take a day or two to really think about it. This is your love-life, it is incredibly valuable, there is no need to rush into anything. Just remember that it is better to be alone and happy with yourself, than it is to settle for someone and dislike who you are because of it. Whatever you decide, Juliette is here to support you!

Hello there Ladies!

Okay, so we all know love is blind, and I know denial may seem like the less painful route, but let me tell you, if you find out your man is cheating, DO NOT stick around and cheat yourself! A little while ago, I received an email from a woman whose man had been playing her in the worst possible way, sleeping with several different women, calling lots of girls his girlfriend, and get this, he even had a WIFE! Wow! How do men like this go to sleep at night?! They better be sleeping with one eye open is all I have to say! But for the moment, let’s not focus on them. Let’s focus on a much more important factor, YOU. My advice to this anonymous woman and to all of my other lovely Ladies out there, demand the best out of this world. Demand it from all of your relationships, from your career, from yourself, and from every other aspect of your life. Life truly is what you make of it, and so are your relationships. So do not waste a minute of your precious time on a man who doesn’t know your value or respect your worth. Yes, people make mistakes, and I have seen couples bounce back from infidelity and be stronger for it. So, I realize this isn’t a black and white issue in every case. If your man “messed up” and is begging that you take him back, just realize that the power is in your hands. Is this man standing before you really going to step it up and be the man you need him to be? I don’t know. You are the judge and the jury on this one, so examine the facts. Notice I said facts, not emotions. Sometimes you really have to separate your head from your heart to make the clearest decision. Think about it, did he admit his mistake to you and apologize, or did you just find out on your own? If he didn’t come clean on his own, who knows what other dirty little secrets he may have. Also, is this just another let down by him? Is he always saying sorry for some huge mistake he made? Ladies listen, I know when you are in love you put on your rose tinted glasses and you try to see the glass as being half full. I get that, I do, just make sure your man isn’t full of it. If you do decide to give him another chance, keep your wits about you and make sure he is devoted to rebuilding trust. Sure, a lot of guys are happy to say they’re sorry, but they don’t want to put in the work it takes to actually heal a broken situation. If you decide to leave his sorry butt behind, trust that you are an incredible woman who will find a Gentleman to cherish you, not cheat on you.