Hello there Fabulous Ladies!

So, my email has been flooded lately with really great questions! Today I will share with you two different stories from two different women. Both stories caught my attention as they are pretty universal dilemmas. Let’s start with a driven young woman named Lauren who wrote…

“…one of the best ways to find love is when you’re not looking for it…but what no one ever talks about, is whether or not you’re ready for it if it does happen. As more and more women focus on their careers and become their own, independent person, it becomes all too easy to get into a routine. I know this because not only am I currently balancing a full-time job with part-time grad school, I’m 22 and entering into this odd world of first dates. How can I prepare myself if that first date opportunity presents itself?”

Let me start by saying, props to you Lauren for all that you are juggling! You are quite a super-woman! Next, relax. You are already “prepared”. It’s just a date. Really. I know we put so much pressure on finding the right guy, wearing the right thing, going to the right place for dinner, kissing at the right moment, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, it really is just a date. Just two people getting to know each other a little bit better. So, be confident in the driven and accomplished woman that you are, and when a worthwhile man approaches you, go for it! Like you said, it’s easy to get into a routine, so it’s important to make time for romance. Don’t be afraid to be spontaneous! And remember, we all learn as we go. Trust me, the guy you’re going to go out with won’t have it all figured out yet either, so just relax, don’t put so much pressure on the situation, and enjoy each other’s company. If there’s no spark, so what?! On to the next! You will know you’ve found a keeper when you can really just be yourself with another person and have fun! Our next story is from a young woman who’d like to remain anonymous (see Ladies, you can trust me to keep a secret!). Here is what she had to say…

“I just started dating this really nice guy, but he lives about an hour away. One night when we were hanging out, because I wasn’t sure, I asked him if we were officially dating. This was his answer, “yeah, I guess, but it’s going to be hard to see each other, so if you find a guy at your school you like, go ahead. I don’t mind you dating 2 guys at once.” His brother told a friend of mine, who then told me, that he’s liked me for a long time. So, I don’t get why he’d say something like that. HELP!”

Well, Girl, there are a couple of things here that concern me, a.) you weren’t sure that you were officially dating and b.) he said he doesn’t mind you dating 2 guys at once. Let’s start with (a) first. This guy needs to make it clear to you exactly where you stand in his life. You shouldn’t have to wonder if you are dating, his actions and his words should make that very clear. Now for (b), I could give him a pass on the ambiguity of your dating status had his answer to your question been something like, “Yes, of course we are dating! You’re such a great woman and I am really into you”. However, his answer did not meet my standards. Plus, one hour hardly qualifies as long distance. If he really likes you and you really like him, an hour of travel, even just once a week, is certainly doable. It sounds to me like he is, dare I say, afraid of commitment. What guy in their right mind would want you to date other guys? I’m not saying he is a jerk, I don’t know him. What I will say is that when I look at the facts, which are that you aren’t sure if you two are “hanging out” or “dating”, and he is happy to let you date other people, it really doesn’t appear to me that he is giving you all that you deserve. So, take his advice, go on dates with other guys. One of two things will happen, he’ll feel jealous, realize what a foolish proposal that was, and decide to make things exclusive, or you’ll meet a better guy who isn’t silly enough to pawn you off onto another man!

Well Ladies, those are my pearls of dating wisdom for the day. As always, I love being your Faithful Guide in this crazy world of dating. Good luck and keep me posted!

Hello there Ladies!

I recently met a woman named Rachel who is going through a bit of a romantic tragedy, and she is now on the verge of becoming…bitter. I want to delve into her story because at some point we all must choose, after having our heart broken, to pursue love again or to allow our hearts to become hardened. Now, Rachel’s story…
After being in a tumultuous long-term relationship, in which her boyfriend consistently made her feel sexually undesirable, Rachel was cheated on. Although, he made half-hearted attempts to get her back, Rachel chose to end it. I applaud this brave move to get out of an unhealthy situation, but I am still concerned as Rachel told me, “I won’t be dating again. Ever. I don’t believe in love anymore”. Girl, believe me, I understand that sentiment, but please do not give your ex that much control over your happiness. And Rachel, you create your own happiness. So, if you decide to harden your heart, unfortunately you will never find the elation you deserve. You have every right to be angry right now and it is important that you feel your way through this phase, but make sure it is just a phase. Then, when you are ready, forgive him and release him. Trust me, if you decide to handle this heartache in a healthy and optimistic way, your life will be so much richer. Imagine the great man that can finally come into your life now that you’ve got Mr. Wrong out of the way!

In the meantime, surround yourself with a good support system, avoid the rebound rut, embrace this time of reflection and contemplation, and enjoy some YOU time. Then, as your heart heals, get out there again, go on dates, mingle, and open up your heart to love again. Take comfort in the fact that everyone goes through breakups, everyone questions whether they will ever find love again, but the ones who maintain a hopeful heart will find the happy ending!

Hello Ladies!

I recently received a blog comment from a woman named Krissy stating that she is going through a bit of a relationship crisis. My favorite thing to do is help you Ladies out of a romantic bind, so let me see what I can do! Krissy told me that while on a break from her fiancé she dated a handful of men, and claimed that she didn’t sleep with any of them. After deciding she wanted her man back, she and her ex sat down to discuss their experience being on the break. Krissy lied to him, denying going on any dates. Her ex found out, as people always do, and broke it off for good. Krissy is now broken hearted because her ex won’t give her the time of day. I have to admit, this is a tough one because trust is everything in a relationship, and it only takes one lie to jeopardize that bond. This is an especially difficult situation because her ex won’t even hear her out. It’s hard to get your man back when he won’t even return a phone call.

Krissy, my first suggestion would be to ask yourself two questions, what was missing from the relationship that caused you to go on a break in the first place? And why did you feel the need to lie to him? You were on an agreed upon break, you went on dates, and you didn’t sleep with anyone. It all seems on the up and up to me. If you have a hard time being honest in this relationship, ask yourself if this is really a situation you want to enter back into? Was telling lies a normal part of life with him? Yet, if you were just nervous and normally you can be honest and open with one another, then I would try several means to get in touch with him. You may have to be persistent to get him to listen. If you are able to get his attention, explain to him why you lied this ONE time and why it will NOT happen again. Then you must be willing to do the work that it takes to rebuild trust. That can be a long and grueling process, especially since he “found out” and you didn’t tell him yourself. He will, of course, be thinking that there may be other things that he just didn’t ever happen to find out about. However, if he ignores your attempts to contact him, or if he listens but still won’t take you back; well, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps, you both needed to learn some valuable lessons, and now you will both be stronger for it. And Krissy, your next relationship will benefit from the insight you have gained from this heartache.

No matter what happens, forgive yourself, forgive him, let it go, and know that everyone makes mistakes. You are still a lovely Lady who deserves a great guy! Good luck and keep us posted!

Hello Ladies!
Not only do I have an inspiring romance to tell you about, but I also have some amazing date venues to check out in NYC! I recently met an adorable couple, Kari and Gareth, who were happy to share their story and their love of music. Over a year ago, they met at a music gig and have been happily together ever since. “Gareth and I were flirting and having fun when I fell forward off the stool and onto another stool. I can’t believe he hung out with me after that!” Kari told me. “The best date Gareth took me on was to see Mates of State (my favorite band)”. After hitting it off as a couple, Kari and Gareth decided to heat things up musically. They formed their own band Smart Set. Check them out at http://www.myspace.com/thesmartset. Being the nightlife gurus that they are, they gave me several great locations around the city to meet sexy singles.

First up is the ultra-intimate Knitting Factory (www.knittingfactory.com). It’s a great date environment and a great place to mingle because it’s fairly dark and is sectioned off into smaller rooms. This way you always have a great view of the bands and a romantic atmosphere to meet people. Knitting Factory has awesome musical guests and a bar with delicious drinks. The next venue they highly recommended is the Blender Theater. Upcoming bands include Finger Eleven, IAMX, Pretty Ricky, and many more. Blender is a really cool venue because it always has great entertainment, features bars on either side so you never have to wait long for drinks, and is located in the heart of Manhattan where sexy singles are sure to frequent. There’s also a bar downstairs to sneak off to and share a more intimate conversation. Last, but definitely not least, is The Slipper Room (www.slipperroom.com). It’s a small bar, with sexy lighting, and various types of entertainment, including Burlesque shows, book readings, live music, comedy and theater.

So Ladies, here is the formula for dating success, good music + tasty cocktails + dim lighting = a love connection for sexy singles everywhere. So, be sure to visit these venues as you explore New York City nightlife. Even if you are not a New Yorker, concert halls and music lounges are fairly easy to scout out. So, go enjoy a night on the town and find yourself a hottie to make sweet music with! And don’t forget to write in and tell me all about your dating successes. You just might find your inspiring story of romance posted next;-)